Day 11: Passau and a Hard Future

Last night was great night sleep. Went to bed with the sound of rain and started completely dry.  Had a good morning swim in the river. Smoked weed out of a pringles can.  And set off for 24 km to Passau.

When I say holy shit... i mean it.
Something happened to the river.  It got bigger, windier, and developed an unbelievably unpredictable current.  Aside from hidden dikes reaching out 50-100 meters, the boat traffic has increased, making it, what some might call, a grueling battle.

However, this small turbulence did not hinder our ability to proceed in an unprecedented manner.  We arrived only slightly behind schedule, and with just a small amount of dehydration.

I have a feeling this river will continue to be difficult and wild throughout our journey.  One week ago we traveled a river no wider than 35 meters.  Today, and throughout, it looks like the river will be at least 1/4mile across.  Oh well, we will prevail either way.

I did not mention, but 6 days ago a squirrel was swimming across the river.  I decided to paddle to it.  It jumped on my boat, ran across, and leaped off with such grace it would make Mother Teresa blush.  The swimming super squirrel was stupendous.

We walked around Passau, it's beautiful here.  Pictures do not do justice.  Everyone is sober.

We tried getting a hostel for 35 euro, but the room was 30 celcius, and was tiny as hell!

So for 45 euro we have AC, TV, shower, WIFI, and beer.

Tomorrow we get lunch with a local friend and paddle hard for 7 days to Vienna!

A local cafe lady told me Germans are impatient.  I said I agree and they need to legalize marijuana.  She said it's the devil, I said it's medicine .  She and all of Germany need some weed.  Just a little.  And ya, I get it, the beer is the best I've ever had, but alcohol lowers testosterone levels and increases cortisol levels, which leads to stress and anger and impatience.  Weed, does the opposite.  So Germany, get your shit together, and legalize weed, and stop being impatient in the checkout line, it's annoying, you need to enjoy life, every second.  There's laughter in everything, go find a joke, and stop being the joke.

Germany. You got this. Legalize Weed.

Km marker 2224
Drop a beat

Day 10: Attack of the Sheep

Song of the Day: TRU: Tru 2 da game

Bavaria's mystical forests are home to gnomes.  They live in little nooks in the trees and play tricks on people at night.  One of them, or maybe a few of them, made a loud noise from the river and scared the livin crap outta me.  It sounded like a boat crashed ashore with a thump..   and then... nothing.  It might have been big foot throwing rocks. or a gnome playing tricks. but it was most likely a beaver... they tend to not be the most graceful creatures.

To be fair, this place IS very ominous.  It has a very old, creepy feel.  Probably no gnomes.  Definately castles.  Too much rain when it says 0% chance of rain.  And many sheep and goat roaming the country side. 

Today was good.  We smoked from an apple.  Paddled long enough to take a swim break.  Paddled very far again.  And repeated all of these steps all day.

Somewhere in the middle of all this we ran into some sheep.  Who sound like drunk German bums.  We were going to go pet them

but then the one seemed like it wanted to attack.  I'm not sure if you're familiar with sheep and they're attack skills. but neither am I, and I'm not gonna take that risk.

Twas a pleasant day.  Stopped and got icecream by a cool river side park/beach cabana.  As we left, a little girl asked me to pick her cup up from the water.  She asked in a foreign language but somehow I knew what she meant.  I picked it up and handed it to her.  Just then I remembered I had some St John's Wort flower, a healing herb, from my bag.  I picked out two flowers and handed them to the two little sisters, 4 and 6 years old.  They looked at me with a look like it was the greatest gift they'd ever been given.  I looked up and their parents smiled and waved. Its moments like these that make me believe in humanity.  If such a small thing can make someone happy, then I think we still have a chance.

Anyway, speaking of humanity, the weather men in this area are the worst in history.  0%chance....   0% chance of rain, it says..... what's it doing right now?  Raining.  They could at least say 10% and it would be fine.  But no, they went with 0% and made themselves look like humanity doesnt have a chance again.  Oh well, I guess that's yin yang.

24 km from Passau.

Rock n Roll will never die.

Day 9: Big toe leads the way!

My big toe, the left one, has gout.  So when the pressure of the atmosphere starts dropping, mixed with high uric acid levels due to poor diet, my big toe tells me its gonna rain.  She was flaring up all day, so I decided I should paddle a little quicker to beat the storm.  Stayed ahead of it all day til right around sundown.  Never doubt the power of the Uncle Marc's Big Toe.

Sense of urgency and being in a hurry are two different things. Using our time to watch TV or be "unproductive" is okay.  But when we have a purpose, time becomes more valuable.  So, it's okay to sloth around, but when we have something we care about, something that brings us excitement, or have something that makes us feel any sort of good, our outlook on time will reflect that.  I'm realizing just after today that my time here is valuable.  I love paddling.  It feels smooth, everything looks beautiful, and it gives me a chance to just sit with my thoughts and focus on one thing.

I love that I have 2300km left.  I wish it was 10,000.

Today started at the footsteps of an amazing building called Wallhalla.  I met another paddler named Oliver and we hiked up the mountain side probably 1 miles.  How the ancient people made such structures and we cant even come close to their magnificence is beyond anything me.

Further down river was a lock and dam where John aka Nature Boy was hangin out.  We had a short talk but I decided to paddle on my own for another day.  We'll probably meet up sometime tomorrow or Monday in Passau. I really needed a day to chill alone.

Most of the day was focused on paddling hard, taking short breaks, and drinking water, not too much else. 

I got a dope camp spot and set up my tarp just in time for the rain.  I'm going to sleep well tonight after ramen and tuna, the signature meal of the Danube River.

Slices of pizza needed in my belly: 4-6
Pounds of sweat sweated away today: 0, they measure in kilograms here
km marker :2203
67 km paddled today, truck yeah.

Day 8. Picking up the mess

woke up in a comfy bed compliments of couchsurfing.com.   Had an hour run around trying to get a phone for cheap in Germany.  It's a weird process.  You have to call a person on the internet and have a video conference showing your passport.  Very 1984, Germany is great but that was just weird.

Did some grocery shopping.  Got paddling by 7pm.  Did 5km.  Camped at a dope spot. There is an EPIC building on top of the hill I'm going to check out tomorrow.  It looks Roman or something.  Very mysterious.
John and I had to take a few days break on account of all the grey hairs we are causing each other.  It was nice to have a few hours paddling alone.  But company is always nice, and added safety is good too.  Sometimes we just have to do things alone, I suppose.  It think it's also healthy for us to chill on our own.   I did this journey to find serenity, a clear mind and body, and to learn more about myself.  And so far its been more misadventure  than good ole fashioned adventure. This sobriety will certainly help build a healthy mindset moving on.  It's a long long journey to go still.  And we have to be level headed moving on.

There are also really long river cruise boats that are swanky as hell.  It's like a motel 6 but classy and on this dirty yet enchanting river.

Beaver count: 5
Deer count: 1 (baby deer)
km marker 2370

Day 6 and 7 Mishaps in Regensburg

Camped by a lock and dam.  Paddled our asses off.  25km in 2 1/2 hours.  Didnt stop for nothing.  Got to Regensburg around 8pm, stayed in a house on a couch.  Had amazing food compliments of Lisa.  Went into town to get new phone bc my phone is water damaged.  Guy at the store was awesome.  Drank a few beers and went to a beautiful cathedral.  Lost the bag with my phone.  Went to bed.  Woke up at 5am.  Then again at 9am.  Carried the boat 1 mile to the river.  Hopped into town.  Maybe sleeping by the river again.

My phone is dying but I love you.
Km marker 2380

Day 5: Half dead fish and yinzin around

Song of the Day: Hall and Oats- You make my dreams come true
(Listen to this while you read)

Uncle Marc is a grumpy man in the  morning.  Not so bad as to harm anyone, just enough to not enjoy the beauty of the moment.
This morning WAS beautiful.  Woke up in a plush ass bed, was hydrated, got a great shower, and set off without skipping a beat.  Although I was still a little grumpy, not sure why.

 All day was great weather other than a little head wind throughout the day, but not enough to slow us down.  Went through a small town with a beautiful castle but kept moving downstream. 

Later we passed through ingolstadt and some locals gave us some natural tobacco to smoke.

Shortly after we found a half alive fish floating.  It was still breathing, but barely.  We pondered eating it, tried pulling it into the boat, and moved it with our paddles for a while, but decided it should have an honorable life, and moved on.

The last half of the day was spent talking Pittsburghese/yinzer.....

We are trying to get to Regensburg by Wednesday, as we have a place to stay and it's going to rain that day and the next.  We are NOW 65 km from that town.  And tomorrow we'll probably stop a monestary brewery!  Gettin drunk with monks!

As for the tides, calm. We have a fantastic camp spot overlooking the river and a really pretty lock and dam staring right back at us.

Keeping patient is turning into a theme.  We cant go faster than what we are going, so no need to stress.  Stay present, and stay positive.

Dams left- 15 out 62
Mosquito bites TODAY: Maybe 7
TOTAL: 35
Worries: 0

Day 3 and 4 Ain't Dead Yet

Weeeeelppppahh.  Woke up had a leftover beer and slice of pizza.  went through a lock.  went into donaueworth, the town.  Oh, you never heard of it?  That's okay, nobody likes it there either, sorry donaeuworth, yal are sad, yal need to stop and smell yals flowers.  Yals roads are perfect, and yal got good smelling air and no crime or litter.  Yal can stalk up at the store on food for 50 bucks like we did.  Yal got castles and shit.  Yal need to realize you live by a beautiful river! Yal are all walking around so frickin sad giving ME weird looks.  Yal need to learn to put some sauce on yals pizza, stop namin yals burgers after famous American rock stars and become a star ya self!  Germany, please be happy.  It's okay if a few of you give me weird looks and are sad even though all yal drive benzs' and beemers, but ALL YAL?!? come on now.  yal need to get happy or get gone.

Long story short.  We picked up a bottle of gin, went through some RAPIDS... apparently the only scary part other than Serbia on the whole river, then we stopped in a 12 person town where we were happily greeted by a big man from Norway named RAPLH, and 200,000 mosquitos.  We ducked inside a BnB for a beer and bullshitted with good folks from all over.

It started to rain, we got wet, couldnt set up camp properly, and spent 8 hours freezing in the wet n cold. Literally shivering.  We should have stayed at the BnB but they went to bed by the time we made a decision. No big deal.  We dont break.  Not even in the face of danger. We are stronger willed than ever now.  Have new rules to follow, and will continue to get smarter and wiser as we go.

Spent all day today chillin.  Tomorrow is a big day, good sunshine and open free flowing water.

Most people would have cried and called 9-1-1 by now, We just keep laughing and being thankful to have two working lungs.

Happy Fathers Day

Beers drank- 4
Hours of sleep last night:0
Hours of sleep tonight :8
Money spent on gas: 0
Softness of this bed on 1-10 scale: 8
Smell of outside: How outside should smell

DAY 2: Sunburt, weird looks, pizza, and a little beer

Song of the Day: Let me down easy-Billy Currington

Got the lungs back in my chest and a little pep in the step.  Had an amazing oatmeal breakfast and a COOOLDDDDAHH river bath, that'll do ya just right.  Upon entering the river John aka Nature Boy nearly tipped the kayak and fell into the river.With his good leg hanging out of the boat he made a swift recovery.  Between that and a riverside beer and sausage shack, John fell out of his boat into muddy waters.  Hes got a great sense of humor and took it well. 

We still get weird looks from people.
Weird Look from People Count: 863

After a beer and apple juice some locals told us how to operate the locks and dams so we dont have to Portage anymore!!!!

It's a simple 3 button process, it's scary, and with no official supervision.  People go to school for this in America, but here in Germany, "We trust YOU!"

So John and I with no engineering degree whatsoever safely operated 6 locks and dams with no supervision.

It take about 5 minutes, so, would ya let me down easy?

We both learned about how brutal the sun can be on the skin, and paid for it.  It might be a rough couple days but we shall persevere. 

Lots of singing and chewing and drinking nasty water slowly from a LifeStraw, and lots of small snacks.

Also, lots of weird looks.

I found that if I start with, "Howdy!" it helps people adapt for a moment that we are from America, notbsure if this is good or bad, but who cares.  You cant change where you're from and were all from different places, but we all hang our hats up at home.

The best part of today was the very end.  Upon entering our 6th lock, some local germans were fishing. We decided to camp there because it was a good spot and they were leaving soon. They asked if we wanted some pizza and beer.... to which we replied, "uh, fuck yeah."
We sat around sharing stories about ourselves and talked about cultures, but mostly just bullshitted around eating pizza and drinking beer. 
They left us with the remaining pizza and with a small trout to eat for breakfast.  Their town, Donauworth, is just down river, looks like an old sleepy town but nice.

What a great end to a looooong day in the sun.

Distance today: 43km... whatever that is in miles
total left... 2512km + 200 miles to Istanbul

Crazy ducks observed: 7
People yelling in German from the shore: at least 7, but probably 12
Fishermen that didnt wave back: 3
Country songs sang: too many
Rap songs rapped: nothing quite yet


Dying/fornicating frog sounds: 3

locks passed through: 11
locks to go: 49

DAY 2: Sunburt, weird looks, pizza, and a little beer

Song of the Day: Let me down easy-Billy Currington

Got the lungs back in my chest and a little pep in the step.  Had an amazing oatmeal breakfast and a COOOLDDDDAHH river bath, that'll do ya just right.  Upon entering the river John aka Nature Boy nearly tipped the kayak and fell into the river.With his good leg hanging out of the boat he made a swift recovery.  Between that and a riverside beer and sausage shack, John fell out of his boat into muddy waters.  Hes got a great sense of humor and took it well. 

We still get weird looks from people.
Weird Look from People Count: 863

After a beer and apple juice some locals told us how to operate the locks and dams so we dont have to Portage anymore!!!!

It's a simple 3 button process, it's scary, and with no official supervision.  People go to school for this in America, but here in Germany, "We trust YOU!"

So John and I with no engineering degree whatsoever safely operated 6 locks and dams with no supervision.

We both learned about how brutal the sun can be on the skin, and paid for it.  It might be a rough couple days but we shall persevere. 

Lots of singing and chewing and drinking nasty water slowly from a LifeStraw, and lots of small snacks.

Also, lots of weird looks.

I found that if I start with, "Howdy!" it helps people adapt for a moment that we are from America, notbsure if this is good or bad, but who cares.  You cant change where you're from and were all from different places, but we all hang our hats up at home.

The best part of today was the very end.  Upon entering our 6th lock, some local germans were fishing. We decided to camp there because it was a good spot and they were leaving soon. They asked if we wanted some pizza and beer.... to which we replied, "uh, fuck yeah."
We sat around sharing stories about ourselves and talked about cultures, but mostly just bullshitted around eating pizza and drinking beer. 
They left us with the remaining pizza and with a small trout to eat for breakfast.  Their town, Donauworth, is just down river, looks like an old sleepy town but nice.

What a great end to a looooong day in the sun.

Distance today: 43km... whatever that is in miles
total left... 2512km + 200 miles to Istanbul

Crazy ducks observed: 7
People yelling in German from the shore: at least 7, but probably 12
Fishermen that didnt wave back: 3
Country songs sang: too many
Rap songs rapped: nothing quite yet


Dying/fornicating frog sounds: 3

locks passed through: 11
locks to go: 49

OFFICIAL Day 1. Got dem boats!

Theme Song of the Day: Hurt So Good- John Mellencamp.
Woke up not hungover and well rested and didnt wake up to puke, pee, find dry spot, drink water, or cough.  We felt great.  John aka Bigfoot aka Nature Boy and I ,,aka Yard Dog, pulled enough money together so we could each buy 1000 dollar kayaks, they're worth 1500 easily. Probably the most bad ass thing I've ever set my ass in.  And yes, I HAVE driven a 1984 Cheiftan Winnebago.

We set off without much delay and with new theatrics at all.  Within an hour we hit a lock and dam, damn.  We had to lift the boats sideways out of the water, Bigfoot with a still messed up ankle, walk each boat 100 yards, and drop them back in down a steep concrete wall... then we paddled off.  Then we hit another lock and dam, then another, then another, then another.  5 to be exact.  Very calm beautiful river but a little frustrating to say the least.

The thing is, people like John and I dont give up.  As the sun went down and we were being attacked by mosquitos, hellaciously, tired, hungry, all the bullshit, we still made another heroic decision to Portage again, against all odds, then walk the boats 300 yards to safe camp.

After 30 minutes trying to start a wet fire we used Nature Boys camp stove to torch the pile of small twigs into a burning inferno in seconds.

Heroic, but not too heroic.
Happy for sleep, you betcha.
First day without a drink and I'm feeling like a million.

Calories burned: who cares, but def a lot

Miles- What ever 29km is
Lock/Dam Portages- 5... fucking 5
Weight of each boat- Probably 100lbs
Working Feet( out of 2 people)- 3
Temp- Perfect
Birds making strange noise- 18-34

The train rumbles by with sad but nice people to somewhere else in Germany.